Encounters with the Angry Marines!
by Inquisitor Herron
Summary: A chronicle of those lucky enough to survive encounters with the angriest of all the Emperor's children. Done for now, couldn't think of any more ways to curse in caps.
1. Chapter 1

Warhammer 40,000: Encounters with the Angry Marines

(I do not own Warhammer, Space Marines ect. Nor did I invent the Angry Marines, funny as they are)

_A short introduction to the Angry Marines_

_In all the vastness of the Imperium of man there is no greater champion of humanity than the Angry Marines. These warriors are possesed by a rage so great they have been known to throw themselves out of space ship airlocks just to get to the planetside battle faster. When a regiment of Imperial Gaurd fails they send five more, when those fail they send a chapter of Space Marines, if even that isn't enough... they send in one Angry Marine._

Encounter #1: Recorded by Private Catherman of the Dulce 103rd infantry, planet Dulce Segmentum Tempestus

_It was the seventh month of the trench battle, a long and dreadfull fight that by its end claimed more than half our regiment. The Chaos elements had festered and grown during our adsence, and with us back the battle quickly became a planet wide assault. For damn near seven months we were forced to look across the war torn trenches at the filthy spawn of chaos... untill _he_ came._

Catherman peered out into the night, the natural darkness interupted periodically by the flash and rumble of artillery. The trenches had turned to ankle deep sludge mostly due to the rain, but their was blood in it too. The others of his regiment stood or lay all across the miles long trench network, all keeping a constant vigil against the scum that sat across from them.

"Another charge?" Catherman turned and nodded his head in greeting to his fellow Gaurdsman.

"Not sure..." He answered. They watched silently as the las fire that had been criss crossing both sides of the battle halted slowly. It was the first time a hush had fallen over the area since the beginning of the war. After a few moments it became clear to them that something was very off.

"Get the vox officer," Catherman suggested in wonder. The other Gaurd agreed and was off without another word. He returned shortly after with a tired looking vox officer in tow.

"Sir?" He asked wearily.

"Contact forward base and see what this ceasfire is about," Catherman ordered.

"Yes sir," He sighed. "Vox two, one, one to forward command, forward command?" A brief pause, then. "Sir, calling in regaurds to the unexpected ceasfire... that's great news!"

"What is it?" Catherman asked hopefully.

"They say reinforcements are in route!" The vox officer's face darkenned suddenly as an unheard comment was added over the vox. "Oh sweet Emperor..." He sounded like his world had just come crashing down.

"What? What is it?" Catherman poked him sharply.

"They say it's, it's... Angry Marines."

"Oh... shit." It was all he could think of. Just then a whistle in the sky drew his gaze up. A small object trailed downward in the night sky, glowing fiercly with atmospheric entry. Catherman blinked back a cold sweat that had risen at the sight of the pissed off looking drop pod.

"What's," The vox officer got no further, interupted by the resounding blast ofthe pod's explosive landing. All of the Gaurdsmen were thrown to the ground by the shock, coming up sputtering out mud and curses. By the time Catherman got back up the silence had returned.

"Look!" He whispered to the others, pointing nervously toward the crater left by the pod's rather rash entry. They all watched with ill held terror as a monstrous form lumbered out of the enemy line, closing in on the still unmoving crater with inhuman strides. "Is that a fucking Bloodthrister!" Catherman stammered in horror. And indeed it was a Bloodthirster, one of the most feared of all the Emperor's many foes. The gigantic fiend stood over the bent husk of the landing pod, proding it boredly with the head of its massive blood stained axe.

Then a clanking came from withen the pod, followed by a louder one. The demon frowned its tusked face and stepped back a pace from the crashed vehicle. As the Bloodthirster of Khorne raised its axe a voice bellowed out of the pod, by far scarier than anything heard by mortal ears.

"I... SPILLED... MY FUCKING COKE!" The Bloodthrister was blindsided as the pod door suddenly flew off with a scrape of tortured metal, hitting it squarly in the face. The demon only had enough time to claw its way back to its hoofed feet before a figure emerged from the flaming wreck.

"What fool has come to embrase death?" The Bloodthirster roared into the sky, several of Catherman's fellow soldiers dropping dead from pure fear at the thing's voice. The Angry Marine simply turned to face the demon and looked up at it for a moment as though sizing it up.

"HEY!" The warrior of the Emperor shouted at us unexpectedly, turning to face it seemed, Catherman himself. "WHO'S THE FAGGOT WITH THE AXE!" The demon blinked in surprise, not even sure how to deal with being written off by a mortal. Before Catherman could answr the Marine turned back and pulled something out of the wreck.

"What in the Warp is that thing?" Catherman asked as the Angry Marine aprouched the now cowed Bloodthirster. The Bloodthirster raised its axe and met the Marine's charge with a half hearted roar. The Marine simply shouted.

"FOR THE EMPRAH, YOU SOGGY CUNT!" It was all over within moments, not just the Bloodthirster but every bit of the chaos forces on that world. The official report listed the a grand total of 99.99% of all the deaths during that war happening within that short time period.

"N,n, never," Catherman stuttered, trying to get a cigar to remain still in his twitching lips. "Never seen someone kill an army with an empty coke bottle.

-_End of Encounter-_


	2. Chapter 2

Encounter #2: Recorded by Comissar Tarkus stationed on Sheroka Hive, Segmentum Tempestus

_The battle for Sheroka Hive would go down in Emperial history as a massive cluster fuck of epic proportions, the mentioning of which is still considered rude at dinner parties amongst the upper class. In an unfortunate turn of fate the retaking of the planet's largest Hive city by the Imperial Gaurd from Chaos forces was planned on exactly the same day that not only did a Hive Fleet arrive planetside, but a whole Tomb Legion of Necrons awoke... needless to say the Gaurdsmen were fucked. Or would have been were it not for the arrival of a ship so infamous to the enemies of the Emperor its very name wakes Kharn The Betrayer with a cold sweat._

"Forward you cursed fools!" Commisar Tarkus screamed over the chatter of lass fire, ducking a well placed shot in time to have it remove only his hat. From his perch on top of a command Chimera Tarkus watched wave after wave of his "loyal" men flee screaming from the walls of the Hive city... straight into an ocean of Tyranid. "I said forward for a reason damn it!" The Gaurdsmen were faced with a hard choice, be pulverized by enemy fire while trying to scale a fifty story tall Hive wall, or be torn to shreds by Tyranids. The lucky few who survived the choice may just get flayed alive by the Necrons who had popped up as suddenly as nipples in an air conditioned room.

"Sir," The call came from the Chimera driver, who had only lost one arm so far. Tarkus stopped firing long enough to drop down and listen. "We've recieved word of a massive counter attack coming from the front gates of the city!" He shouted in panick. Tarkus massaged his nose wearily, muttering a curse.

"Anything else I should know about?" He asked mockingly to the sky. "Perhaps Asdrubael Vect and the Void Dragon are double teaming my wife as we speak?" And as serious as the situation was he took a moment to wish that were true... his wife was a spitefull bitch.

Before his eyes the small bubble of safety being mantained by his troops fire between the city walls and the Nercon and Tyranid hoards was shrinking, more and more men being shredded shot and eaten by the minute. The momentary advantage he had enjoyed in the presance of his dozen Basilisk artillery tanks was now gone, blasted into fragments one after another by the freaky floating Necrons. Just then the huge front doors of Sheroka creaked open, revealing wave after wave of charging cultists, screaming blashpemes at the top of their lungs.

"Aw, fuck it!" The Commisar bellowed, jumping from the Chimera and charging straight into the ranks of the cultists, waving his chainsword like a mad man. He'd had enough of this faggotry, and if he had to die then by the Emperor it would be while killing his foes. The Chimera pilot frowned at the sight of one man running headlong into a crowd of enemies, but his atention returned to the vox as a beeping began.

"Command Chimera forty two?" He asked quickly looking back to make sure the Commisar was still kicking.

"Command Chimera forty two, this is Segmentum Command vox officer Gerald," Outside Tarkus was still carving up cultists, most of whom had decided to go around him in favor of easier targets.

"Yes Segmentum Command?"

"Prepare for freindly forces planetfall on your location," The pilot furrowed his brow.

"What do you mean on my location?" It was then he noticed the sun gone out. The pilot popped the roof hatch of the Chimera and staired open mouthed at the sky, which was predominantly filled with the onrushing form of a gaigantic metal hand bearing an upraised middle finger. He didn't have time to scream, but after the battle barge had crushed him and his vehicle into the earth the still intat radio blaired out.

"The _Killfuck Soulshitter_ has landed."

Tarkus turned from the half dead cultist he had been throttling, fully expecting the horrible explosion behind him to be the herald of yet more bad news. Instead he was greated by the opening Angry Marine battle barge, spilling out a torrent of the most pissed off sons of bitches he'd ever seen.

"FOR THE EMPRAH MOTHER FUCKERS!" They bellowed as one and charged past the stuned Commissar, wielding an asortment of strange and horrifying weapons (the least scary of which happened to by the few swinging Tarkus's own gaurdsmen as living cudgels). So moved by what he saw Tarkus fell to his knees and gave thanks to the Emperor, not that he probably heard him over the blood chilling death cries of the first hundred cultists and Tyranids the Angry Marines happened to get their hands on.

As he prayed a shadow fell over Tarkus, he raised his head and beheld Asshole, the most infamous Captain of all the Angry Marines. He couldn't speak, too amazed at the all consuming irateness emonating from the power armor clad figure.

"So," The Captain almost whispered to him, offering a mailed hand to help him up. Tarkus accepted the help as Asshole finished his statement. "Are you going to stand here... OR KILL THOSE FUCKING CUNT WANKERS!" Before Tarkus could answer the helping hand closed on his in a vice and he was flung head long over the wall of the city.

Though unconfirmed, it was reported that the corpse of Tarkus flew so hard it wedged itself in the barrel of a chaos Whirlwind's rocket pod halfway across the city, blowing it and the surounding seven city blocks to smitheriens.

-End of Encounter-

Bonus Encounter: Recorded by Brother Apothecary Morian, (Remains of) Planet Electoth VII Segmentum Pacificus

_A little known fact, it took seventy three years to colonize Electoth... but only two days to destroy it._

The planet was utterly lifless, every city a necropolis and every farm barren of crop and farmers. Nothing remained but the ruins to mark the dead world as a former hub of Emperial trade and commerce. Dust had long ago settled on the bones of the dead, creating a natural burial shroud for those who would never know a final cerimony.

And across that husk of a world trecked a lone figure, floating listlessly toward his destination on what for lack of a better term was a floating recliner. his armor was dirty in every place not emediatly accessable to his scratching gauntlet and was starting to dent in places from extreme durations of sitting in place. He looked out at the deadlands sleepily and yawned, his helmet emmiting a burst of static at the sudden outburst. After a few hours spent drifting forward with his control joystick taped down while he played tetris on his vox system he arrived at his Company's landing zone.

A few dozen of his fellow brothers in Lazyness greated him with half raised hand and muttered hellos. Their ship the _Lathargic Storm_, leaned against a cliff face with only two of its landing gears engaged. Morian finally reached the slumped form of his Commander, who had fallen asleep with his helmet in a pile of cheetos again. He grumbled untill his Commander finally woke.

"Wazzat?" Commander Apathose slurred, a single cheeto falling from his helmet's grill.

"Sir, I've completed the planetary scouting mission." He groaned.

"Finally, took you long enough didn't it?" Morian just shrugged and sent a sort of funny text to one of his buddies before the Commander went on. "So what is there to report?" He asked slowly.

"We missed the battle and the whole planet is dead," Morian informed him.

"Hu..." Apathose sighed with a frown. "How long did we miss it by?" Morian consulted his vox briefly before answering.

"Twenty seven years,"

"Well... shit," He murmered. "We'll get the next one!" He thought about his upcomming planned three month video game vacation and added.

"Probably..."

-End of Encounter-


End file.
